Because I have to do it all the time.

I’m very much a “follow their lead” kind of parent. I don’t go to extremes – my children have limits, boundaries, rules, etc – but when they were babies I learned that everyone is happier if I pick up their cues and anticipate their needs. This worked great for Eric, and for baby-Danny as well.

However, as a mother to a speech-delayed child, for whatever reason, that’s a terrible thing to do. Instead of “anticipate” and “provide,” words like “sabotage” and “withhold” need to be slipping into my vocabulary. I’ll admit: it’s hard. After 2 and a half years of learning that tantrums and bad times are avoided by thinking ahead, I had to make a mental switch. I’m still working on it.

For example? Danny goes to the fridge. “Oh-eh!” he says, holding the fridge door and looking at me expectantly to make sure I’ve got his message. Open. Got it. I open it, and he taps the gallon of milk inside. Yep yep yep, he’s thirsty. I pull it out and pour a cup, talking about what I’m doing the whole way, and then he raises his hands for the cup.

Hold it!

“What do you want, Danny?” I ask him, and he gives me this exasperated look like, Jeez, lady, you haven’t figured it out yet? He raises onto his toes and I nudge the cup away. Away? What? That’s not right, a voice in my head exclaims!

“Oh, you want this milk, Danny? Mmmmmmilk?”

“Mm!” he agrees, finally making a verbal pronouncement of it. But, that’s not enough anymore. After the child has shown he is capable of saying “mowk” for milk and “moa” for more (an accomplishment he did at daycare yesterday that had his speech therapist calling me in her excitement, and me crying at my desk at work), I can’t settle for a simple /m/ sound anymore.

“Yes, milk! This is the milk you want, right Danny?”

At this point, it becomes a struggle, something I’ve spent years trying to avoid by anticipating my children’s needs and going with their flow. Yeah, I’m probably a big reason why Danny isn’t saying a bazillion words yet like all his other online CI buddies. But I work on it. A lot. If I don’t give him reasons to use his words, and adequate time to do so, it will never be worth it to him to put in the effort.

That’s what I think at least. What I hope. What I cling to when he takes forever to respond and the CMV Boogeyman is whispering in my ear, He can’t talk, you fool – I made sure of it!

“Mmm… Owk! Owk!”

“Oh! All right, Danny, here’s your milk!”