Someone asked me today if being home with Danny has led him to make a lot of progress. The only answer I had for her was “maybe.” The truth is, I’m not sure there has been much progress at all, but rather, I’m noticing more of the little things I didn’t before.

That’s not to say there are amazing things going on. Danny is still very quiet, stubborn, and overall 2. There’s little things, though. Baby steps of progress.

He’s got an emerging “d” sound that isn’t quite d yet – more of a cross between a G and a D – but it’s coming.

He’s using his left hand more and more to assist in tasks. He’s never going to be left handed, but he pulls that left hand in more and more to stabilize toys and help in the things he’s doing.

Most excitingly, he’s putting his ears on as well as taking them off. It isn’t always, and he still takes them off (all the way, not just off his head), but the other day I knocked one off while holding his hand in a parking lot, and his immediate reaction was to put it back on. He needs a little help sometimes, but that’s OK! Daddy and I are both loving that.

There’s one more new thing that’s not quite as exciting: he’s stripping his diaper off. In the very earliest of potty training steps, he’s recognizing when he’s wet and taking his diaper off. He’s also peeing on the floor. He even got out of the bath yesterday only to pee on the floor and get back in. (At least he didn’t pee in the bath water, right?)

Any time I’m not with them now, I’m waiting for Eric to chime in: “Mommy, Danny peed on the floor again!”

It’s a sign he might potty train eventually, right? At least, I keep telling myself that. Baby steps…

So, the whole big kid bed isn’t quite all it’s cut out to be. Danny’s had his share of tantrums, escapes, and midnight battles turning on and off the TV, all in an effort to prove to us that he could care less about sleeping in his big kid bed.

Once I got home, I started a mini-routine for bed time. Now, a big, complicated, hour-long bedtime routine has never been out style. The boys both do best if they have time to themselves to unwind, and then a quick, no-nonsense trip to bed. Eric gets a story, and now, Danny does too. We disappear into his bedroom, read a story in the rocker, get big kisses, and take off his ears. Then, I pick him up, put him in his bed, and run for my life. If I’m quick, I can get the door closed before Danny is there trying to open it.

The first night, of course, he cried, though not much. The first night, I also lay on a body pillow beside his bed for half an hour showing him what was expected, and when I left he was laying on a pillow beside me half-asleep. The second night, he’d been totally loving reading the book (we read it four times through before I decided it was time to stop), and when I got up to put his processors away, he climbed back into the rocker and reached for his book. I left him sitting there flipping through the book and babbling to himself.

Not a cry. Not a peep. A little while later…

So he’s still not going to sleep in his bed – the tally is 3 times in front of the door, once on the body pillows, once on the Pooh rug, and once in the rocker – but we’re making progress. This works for me.

We decided, yesterday, to try Danny sleeping in a bed instead of a crib. With a convertible, this essentially came to taking the front rail off, which transforms the crib magically into a toddler bed. It’s quite handy, and awesome that we didn’t have to buy a darn thing new – we’d bought the convertible crib over 4 years ago with this intention, and finally we’re getting to use it!

The whole experiment went… OK. Not great, but it was a success in the end, sort of. My initial thought was to just set him in bed, leave, and leave him “trapped” in his room, basically an extension of being in his crib. With the crib, he almost never made a peep and was perfectly content to lay down and go to sleep – same theory, right? Well, Danny discovered he was trapped in his room and started screaming like a banshee. This was no fussing or complaining or tantruming that I will let him do on his own; it was a full out wail. I went up, gave him a hug and settled him down, then sat on the floor beside his bed. I made sure all his toys were turned off (so he couldn’t go play with the lights in the dark), laid by head on his bed to show him what was expected, and waited.

Now, this whole thing is made difficult by the fact that it’s all done with his ears off. Part of our routine for bed time is taking his ears off – I certainly wouldn’t be able to sleep with those processors stuck to my hips! So now I’m left with the option of putting his processors back on (which would send mixed signals, since he knows when they come off it’s time to sleep) or trying to mime and enforce sleeping in his bed with no solid way to communicate outside the “good night” and “I love you” signs I do before leaving him to sleep. I knew this wasn’t going to be fun. I was right.

So after about 20 minutes of sitting on the floor watching Danny wander around his room and try to play with everything, intermingled with climbing up onto his bed and jumping in it, I decided it just wasn’t going to work. I put the rail up and put him in his crib and he wailed again, so I gave both of us a bit of a break, then once we were both calmed down I took him back up to his room and did my typical night time drop off with kisses, cuddles, and signs. He promptly threw a leg over the rail, pulled himself up, and he was out. OK, fluke, right? I was too close, he used me for lift? I put him in and back up, and he does it again.

…

Right then. Back off comes the rail. Lights out, toys off, door closed, and Mommy sitting in the rocker, he was left to figure it out. It only took about 30-40 minutes of him wandering, jumping, and trying to play before he laid down on the floor by my feet. I waited until he was nearly asleep and moved him to his bed.

Big mistake.

Another 10-15 minutes of wandering, jumping, and trying to play, he went over and laid down on the body pillows I’d laid on the floor beside his bed in case he fell out of bed.

Not being a fool, I waited until he was asleep and just snuck out of the room. He got up and let himself out of his room right as I was waking up this morning, so I don’t know if he spent the whole night on the floor or if he ever moved to his bed…but he did sleep the night through in his room, so I guess that’s a success.

I can only hope that, tonight, the process of getting Danny to bed takes less than the 2 hours it took yesterday.

I always told myself, I wouldn’t call it a first word until I knew it was HIS word – not him echoing something back, even if he only did it in the “right” circumstances. It had to be clear, and obvious. Definite.

Sitting in his high chair, Danny was playing with his empty plate, something he often does. Over the edge it spilled, clattering to the floor. He peered over at it. I gasped and gave him a shocked look, not saying a thing.

He met my gaze and said, “uh oh!”

I haven’t said uh oh all day. It may have been days. Danny’s said it plenty today though, whenever he drops something on the floor.

I’m resisting the urge to start dropping things myself.

It wasn’t too long before bed on Easter Sunday, and as is quickly becoming the norm, the boys were up in the living room playing together. Seriously, these two are becoming inseparable. I worried that Danny’s language delays would hinder their relationship, but with the pure acceptance that only children can manage, neither of them notices or cares. (Eric is actually taking to talking for Danny lately – “Mommy, Danny says he needs milk.” “Mommy, Danny says he wants to come too.” – but that’s a whole other issue.) They are best friends.

They start to race around and chase each other, one of their favorite things to do. Eric gave a mighty roar, which set Danny off squealing and laughing. Then the laughter trails off and Danny roars, and Eric cracks up laughing. Back and forth they went, feet thumping up and down stairs and around corners, boys echoing roars back and forth.

I just stood there for a moment, soaking it in.

No, Danny’s language delays aren’t effecting the boys’ relationship one bit. They always find the common ground, and my deaf son chases my hearing son around the house, both of them roaring and laughing. It was like a balm, a reassurance that even though we are in the hard days right now, we’ll all get through. John is right. We are strong together.

“Mommy!” Eric rushed down the stairs and through the gate to the office, slamming it shut as Danny got to his stomach and slid down after him. “Danny’s scaring me!”

Roar.

Turning 2 is a big deal! There’s a simple recipe that’ll lead to a perfect second birthday!

Step 1: Wake up (but not too quickly!) and greet whoever is at the door, typically your Mommy.

Be nice to them, and they’ll spring you from your prison crib.

Step 2: Get dressed for success! If you’re super cute, you might even get some naked morning kisses in the process.

Those kisses are just the thing to help you wake up happy!

Step 3: Have a wicked awesome day, including your friends, lots of loving from all your favorite grownups, and a trip to the park with your family.

(Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get “Happy Birthday” right on the keyboard at the park… You’re only 2, after all.)

Step 4: Enjoy all the birthday necessities: cupcakes…

…and presents!

Step 5: Go out for a nice supper (aka noodles, your favorite!) and a fancy restaurant (aka a pizza buffet).

Don’t be afraid to dig in with your hands; not only will it get the food into your mouth faster, but you can make a great mess that way!

Step 6: Tummy full, playing accomplished, and Mommy & Daddy suitably loved on, get into your big boy jammies and take a well deserved rest.

…and all that before you actually turn 2 at 8:12pm! (That is, after all, way past your bed time.) Does that mean we can do it all again tomorrow?

Happy birthday, Danny!

Yes, it’s true: we love spring. Fall is pretty good too, any of those days where the weather is truly nice and not either miserable cold or miserable hot. Summer is not a favorite, because the heat makes it SO hard to do anything outside for very long! But in the spring – oh, the spring! – we can easily lose an hour or more at the park.

That’s where we’ve been…a lot. We spent a good while there Saturday, and then on Sunday I just had to go back and we went for another stretch. Weather’s nice on Wednesday? Sure, an hour at the park after work sounds perfect! I’m afraid we’re getting terribly spoiled here, and when the rain rolls in that we’re supposed to get, certain boys are going to be quite sad.

The best thing about the whole situation can be seen in the photo above: Danny can hear! We’re not only enjoying the heck out of the nice weather, but we’re doing it with cochlear implants on. That may not seem like a huge thing, but it truly is because of the inherent danger of parks in the spring time: the dreaded plastic static slides. You know the ones, where the kids get to the bottom and their hair is standing in all directions looking all crazy. That’s great for the cute factor, but not so great for expensive electronic devices.

But that’s all right, because this park?

It’s got metal slides. Yes, a brand new and shiny park with metal slides. I don’t know why they did it… I’m just glad they did. It may not be great in the height of summer, but honestly, we don’t enjoy the park much when it’s 100 degrees out anyway. There is something beautiful about watching Eric call to Danny to chase him on the playground and having Danny spin and chase. Or calling Danny back into the park (which is also completely fenced in except for a single entrance/exit – awesome!) by spinning a wheel that clacks and having him turn around and come back.

LOVE IT.

As it happens every so often, Eric was grumpy Thursday morning. “No!” you say, “Not Eric!”

Yes, yes Eric, and he does grumpy with a vengeance.

It took much coercing to even get him to have some cereal, brush his teeth (properly), and get his clothes on. The pants were a particular struggle as I sent him upstairs to fetch them and he came down with Danny’s pants the first time, a pair of too small jammy-pants the second time, and a pillow sack – a pillow sack – the third time. (“This pants is for jumping!”)

Finally dressed, we got upstairs and it was time to put coats on. He rushed to the kitchen and hid in the corner, grunting his disapproval. I told him it was time for his coat, and he gave a long and mumbling, “weeeeeeh!” Not quite a cry, but certainly not words, and completely full of disdain.

Danny wandered over and stared at him for a moment. “Eeeeeeh!” he announced at his brother’s back.

“Mmf! Weh!” Eric grunted into his corner, tucking himself further into it. Danny giggled.

“Eh! Eh!”

They went back and forth like this a couple times, Eric getting more and more frustrated and upset, Danny laughing the whole time. Finally, Eric spun and ran from the room with a final, “Weeeeeeeeeh!!!”

Sure enough, Danny gives a cackling laugh and follows at a wobbling run.

“Eeeeeeeeeeeh!”

I’m sure Danny was just trying to make his brother feel better. Yeah, that’s it…

I’m starting to get excited for Danny’s birthday for none of the reasons most moms look forward to a second birthday: I can’t wait to see what he does with his birthday cake this year.

Last year, of course, he barely touched it. He didn’t like to get his hands messy, he didn’t really explore things much with his hands, and he didn’t eat anything that didn’t come pureed. This year, well, a lot has changed.

My wonderful, incredible, fabulous husband let me sleep in Saturday morning while he and Eric snuck out to get donut holes. Eric nibbled on his as he always does, eating the outsides with all their sugar and glaze while trying to leave the insides sit. I offered one to Danny not really sure how he’d handle it, urging him to take a bite.

I didn’t mean he should eat the thing in one bite.

However, he thought that would be the best way to do it. I fished it out and broke it in two, after doing what all good parents do and snapping some awesome pictures.

And to think, not 6 months ago we were so excited because he would pick up and eat tiny little nearly-crumb-sized pieces of muffins and a bowl of Jello. Silly kid.

Late last week, one of Danny’s teachers at daycare wrote his daily note and included a little line: “It’s been so fun watching Danny progress and change just in the last month!” It got me thinking, and it is so true… A lot of times the focus now seems to be so much on his language, the speed it is progressing (which is, not super speedy), and I miss all the other little triumphs of a CMV kiddo.

The truth is, for a symptomatic CMV newborn, there are a lot of things that is it assumed they won’t do. Of course, there is a (slim) chance they will beat the odds, but you prepare for a lot of pretty scary stuff. For all Danny takes his time, he does amazing things. A huge shift just in the past month or so has been his attention span. He came out of his shell when he first got his implants activated, but he has always been a child who likes to blaze his own trail, wandering away from activities and crowds to do his own thing. In therapy and in school, he is doing so much better at paying attention! He will sit and work/play, he has started to show good interest in coloring and finger painting, he’s just being more attentive all around. He actually takes to tasks; for example, in PT we are working on stairs and on jumping, and he will bounce with us, he will walk up and down steps over and over again to practice and to learn. Repetition is how babies and toddlers learn, and he’s actually agreeing to do it – even initiating it on his own in some cases, he loves to go up and down small steps!

One area I’ve really noticed improvement in lately is his left hand. Forever, pretty much, he’s had a very strong preference for his right…almost like he forgets he even has a left hand for tasks, unlike most babies and toddlers who interchange all the time. He can use it for two handed tasks – he never had trouble with it crawling or climbing or carrying big objects – but he just didn’t, and if we tried to get him to work with it, he would fight us and refuse. This month, he’s experimenting with it a lot. If I give him something in his right hand, he will use his left for ling checks (picking up and putting toys in a bucket), peg puzzles, even picking things up off the ground! He also has started to clap; for the longest time, he would never mimic a clap for us, but just this past week he has multiple times. The improved coordination and willingness to learn is huge to me! He’s even learning to use his left hand to escape from his CI harness…which is a win and a challenge at the same time.

What it’s coming down to in the end is that working with Danny, helping him learn, is less a matter of his true limitations and more a matter of patience and a battle of wills. He proves over and over again that he can, it’s just figuring out how to get it so that he will. I imagine, when we take him in for his next NICU follow up in a few weeks, they’ll tell me again that he is months behind his actual age…but I am learning slowly to take that in stride and have confidence that he will get there. It is more of a struggle with his language than other things I think, because progress in that area is so much harder to track, but we’ve even seen a few things there too: while he isn’t using them in correct context yet, this week he is mimicking “hi” and “uh oh.” Now we just have to focus on teaching him when we use those words…and we might actually be able to dub him as having a “first word!”